Miss Me?

Wow, it's been quite some time since I've last blogged. About 8 months actually. That is far too long. I've gotten on this site a few times thinking I should probably update, but just never get around to it. Now I'm here to vent, as I know not many people will read it.
Let's see... What's new in my life? I'm still working at Wong's. Eight months now! It feels like forever to me. It's the longest I've ever done anything in my life, without missing a day. I haven't called in sick and don't plan to. Although working 6 days a week, and usually 3 of those being split shifts (say 11-2:30 then 5-9:30), is very tiring and not so fun. Although it really is my fault that I told my boss I'd be more than happy to take all the shifts she'd give me.
Kind of exciting (to me)... I took my placement tests at Mt. Hood CC so I'm going to be going there next year. Placed into WR121, RD117, and Pre-cal. I cannot wait to begin school. I'm especially excited about taking Spanish, although I hated it in school. I would love to be able to communicate with our cooks but I do not want to do verb tenses and all that. So boring. And I'm totally afraid that I'm going to be horrible at everything and fail miserably.
I went to the zoo yesterday with Ashley. It was very exciting. We spent six hours there. I love the zoo, and my best friendly.
As for my relationship status, that would definitely be single. But it's odd that as I'm just starting to get over my ex, he starts calling me again. I think he just wants to be friends but who knows? Certainly not me. Guys are so confusing.
I'm learning to make graphics for greatestjournal. I'm actually getting pretty good at it, but it isn't hard when you have photoshop 7.0. I want to get into more advanced stuff but I'm not really sure how to. There's so much I want to learn!
Really, at this time of night I should be sleeping but I had 2 large cups of coffee about an hour ago. I'm pretty awake right now. But I think I'm going to play with photoshop instead of this.

Show Stopper

Okay, so I'm working at Wong's King. Today I bussed tables and made $10 in 3 hours. Not bad. That's 10% of the waitress' tips so yeah, they made quite a bit in 3 hours. That's pretty cool. I'll probably become a server next week. But yeah, I had so much fun today. You definitely stay busy though. There was a big rush. Apparently it usually isn't that busy on Tuesdays. I love it. Trisha said she was surprised that I did so well for being rushed because most people would have cracked under the pressure. I love pressure. Busy times are the best times. And time goes so much faster.
But yeah, today I seated people and got them drinks and then took the dishes away. It was fun! I loved it.
Not much else is going on in my life. I'm seriously going to try and start saving money. I'm guessing Sam and I will go get slurpees tonight but that's only $1. I don't know how well I'll be able to save money though. I've never been good at that. We'll see.
Phil and I are gooooood. I don't see him often because he lives in Oregon City but yeah. I go out there once a week usually or he comes here. And we talk on the phone almost nightly. It's working out better than I expected. He's changed a lot in the last 3 months.
Well, that's pretty much it.

Here I am again.

It always ends up that I feel like blogging at the most random times. I should really just shut this thing down but it is kind of a place for me to let out my real feelings, and not worry about what anyone will say. I like having this to come back to.
Lately I've felt so much like I'm missing something. I'm just not quite sure what it is. As the time is narrowing to choose a college I'm still just kind of floating around, worrying. But really I am not that worried because I know that I will find the right place, or as my philosophy is, it will find me. I just know that I have not found what I truly want yet and I don't want to settle. I think more than anything I don't even really want to have a career, I want to have a family. I know that seems silly and impossible with the cost of everything these days but that seems like something I would really love doing. Of course I do not have anyone in mind to start a family with and I realize I am a bit too young.
So, as usual I have completely lost sight of what is important and turned my focus to a boy. I always soon realize it afterwards though. Right now I'm not "going out" with anyone but we are supposedly dating. It's a confusing situation. After a failed attempt at trying to break up with him we are just dating. He's really a sweet guy but he just has so many excuses. Everyone keeps telling me he isn't worth the trouble but of course I am being wishy-washy as usual. I am horrible at doing things that are actually good for me.
Well, I was working at Taco Time again. I was shift manager for a few weeks! Then I quit. I couldn't handle it. It's all a big mess now because I didn't come in on KC's shift and now she hates me. And I'm not even talking mildly dislike. She hates me. So I've done everything I can to make it up to her and I don't plan on giving up anytime soon. I don't know why I'm so determined but she was a good friend and I think that we can get through this.
So basically now I am broke and I sit at home reading a lot. I dislike it when friends ask me to do stuff and I can't because I'm broke but when I was working I couldn't do anything because I was working all the time. So yeah, now I sit home and read. And they're good books. Oh man, I've gotten into memoirs lately. Last week I read The Lovely Bones then The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio. Now I am reading, Finding Fish. The first two were amazing and this one is pretty good too. Memoirs are my new favorite.
Well, I suppose I better get along now. It's getting late. Savor this post, as it may be the last for a few months (at the rate I'm blogging).

Would you like fries with that?

So, I'm finally blogging! It's only been months.
I went to Disneyland earlier this month. It was great. I had never been there before and it was quite an experience. I really believe it is the happiest place on earth. And I went to Cats earlier this week. That was fun too. They all sang so amazingly. And I found out that Broadway in Portland is going to do Peter Pan in May and I really really want to see that. Also Molly Ringwald is going to be in a play in October. Kritzeck and I decided we would go see it.
I've been trying to get a job. Well, if you calling trying picking up one application then yes, I have been trying. It has to be somewhere I can walk to from home/school which is basically anywhere in town. I picked up an app from True Value but the woman gave me a credit app and not a regular one. So I have to go in and get the correct one. I really feel bad for making my parents pay for all of my stuff though. I wonder if the library is hiring. That would be an amazing job!
I'm not going to be in the spring play. Basically, there was a confusion of parts and Mr. C gave me a teeny part that he thought was a lead part (and he even told us that at tryouts). So, I quit. Really, the part only had 7 lines and I didn't see the point of sitting in practice every day for and hour and a half to read 7 lines. I was really disappointed but Mr. C said he felt really bad and that he thought the part was bigger than that so I guess it's the thought that counts? Plus this will allow me to be more open for a job if I get one. It's kind of nice having more time after school. Especially since I'm back in AP English and have tons of reading to do.
I was supposed to go to Bend yesterday for FFA State Convention but I woke up at 5:30 (am) and was really warm. Then I had to go back to bed at 6 and randomly text messaged Sara telling her I wasn't able to go. I was really really sick. Basically my throat was sore, my stomach hurt, I had a fever, I had a bad cough, I had a head ache, and my whole body hurt. I felt like an oven. Like you could seriously cook something on me. It was not fun. And I was vomiting all day. At 7 pm I finally felt well enough to get out of bed and I eventually ate a little bit of dinner then I went back to bed at 10:30. I had to force myself to stay awake that long.
I woke up this morning at 9:30 and felt really dizzy but I forced myself to get up and take a shower. That took all of my energy. It was hard for me to stand that long. I think because I was so hungry. Well, today I've had a tiny bowl of apple sauce and a ham sandwich. For some reason I really wanted to put mayonnaise on my sandwich but then when I was eating it I remembered I absolutely loathe mayonnaise so I gave half of it to my dog. I'm still really hungry and apparently my dad is going to get a pizza but it's 7 and he still hasn't called.
I've been on the computer all day. Well, I did watch finding forrester earlier. But other than that, all on the computer. My parents are boring. My mom has been playing golf on ps2 and on the computer all day and my dad has been sleeping/playing the computer all day. Thank goodness for my laptop or I would be bored to death. But I'm still really bored. Which must be why I resorted to blogging. :) Ooh, there's talk of impeaching Bush. Woohoo! Oh, I have a really bad cough today too. A cough like I have never heard before. It's like a wheezing cough. It's gross sounding. And it hurts and feels like something gets stuck in my throat everytime I cough. It isn't pretty. Well, I'm gonna get going. Maybe play tetris on ps2 with my mom. Later!

It's game time, baby

**listening to mcdonald's commercial...
It has been too long. Way too long. And really I don't have that much to talk about. I haven't really been up to too much. School is school. I'm excited for the blood drive coming up in february. And winter formal is soon. I'm going with my good friend Hooper. Should be fun.
Also the first payment for disneyland (for choir) is due soon. I am really excited to go. I've never been there before. I've actually never been to California besides in LAX for a tiny while. So I am very excited to just see California and spend some time with friends. Oh, and sing as I love to do that even if it is off pitch. :)
I tried playing guitar today. Actually, I spent a half hour trying to tune my guitar and then I got so annoyed that I stopped messing with it. I can't wait to take guitar class and actually learn how to play that thing. I get too distracted though. And I'm afraid I won't learn anything in that class.
I've been reading so much lately. I absolutely love it. Seems like I'm reading a book a week, about. I'm trying to get as much in as possible before having ap english again next trimester. Oh, I rented Les Miserables from the library! I haven't watched it yet though but I am very excited to. Oh, I just remembered the guys name. Ha.
I suppose I will write more if anything important happens. But nothing important ever happens on this end of the computer screen.

Season's Greetings

Wow, so I never receive emails anymore from blogger telling me that people have commented on my entries so I just kind of figure no one has and don't check it. So, sorry that I'm now replying like two weeks later.

I realize Reed is way expensive. It is almost as much to attend Reed for one year as my mother makes in one year. That is insane. I'm not even quite sure if I would even go, were I accepted I think I just want to know that I could go if I wanted to. I am definitely not worried about living in debt though. I am not one for material things at all.

Things lately have been weird. "Holiday Parties" and such. I've been a lot more social than I ever thought possible. I actually talked on the phone yesterday for about an hour and usually when I do that it's with Kritzeck because she is the only person I can maintain a conversation with for more than five minutes but it wasn't her. It was quite strange. I despise the phone...But not lately.

I'm not going out with Brett anymore. I honestly don't know why I even go out with anyone. I keep telling myself I won't and I have all of these reasons but I forget all about why not when the opportunity arises. But my new year's resolution is to not have any relationships besides that of friendship, at least until school is out. Oh, and to stop biting my nails. I don't think either will actually happen but I suppose I could try.

I am so excited for the new year. I am so anxious to graduate. Really, I do not want the responsibilities that my parents have. I do not want to support myself. I do not want to meet new people. But I have to. It's a challenge. It will be fun. The future sounds so promising.

I have not played my guitar in the longest time. I suppose it would help if I knew how. I know the notes though. I was thinking of taking the guitar class that the high school offers but I do not really want to. True, it would be nice to know how to play but what if I can't learn? Okay, of course I would be able to but I don't know. I'm pessimistic like that.
Oh my, I need to get to work on filling out my fafsa. I absolutely hate deadlines. Everything that I need to do will be put off until the last minute and I will be completely overwhelmed. Oh well, I know it will get done.

Anyway, if I don't update before then, Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year!

Wow, my blog feels rather lonely. It's actually kind of nice because then I'm not as reserved about what I write and such. Not that I usually am, I don't know. It's just less pressure I suppose.
Anyway. Thanksgiving was fun... but really, I got really tired of hearing everyone say how horrible of a holiday it is and everything. Yes, we should be thankful everyday but Thanksgiving is a special day for those who might have forgotten to take time and remember what they have. And no, I don't just mean material possessions.
Okay, so that was from a few days ago. Actually, that was from a week ago. And now I'm finishing my update (or at least going to try to). The last few days have been really strange. School was cancelled last Wednesday meaning no finals that day. Yay! I was not studied up and still had like 200 pages of Les Miserables to read. So periods 2 and 4 finals were Thursday and no school Friday. Since we didn't have school Wednesday I baked a cake. Since we didn't have school yesterday, I baked cookies. I really need to quit that. :) But really, yum. My cookies are the best. Okay, maybe not the best but pretty close :)
Anyway, being kicked off my routine has been extremely emotionally draining. And I find that I cannot keep up with everyone. Lately I have been more "in the social scene" (the only way I can think to put it) and that is just like sucking the life right out of me. I am going out with Brett and so we hang out a lot and I'm not really used to that. It's like I don't get any time to myself anymore. So recently I've been avoiding the computer and just everyone. I need me time! I really don't think people understand that though. The last couple of days I've been at the point where it's making me sick. I haven't been eating hardly anything and I've been sleeping like mad. Last night I went to bed at midnight I think and woke up at 10. Then lazed around a bit, got online, then read more of Les Mis (only have like 50 pages to go). Well, I decided sleep would be really nice so I went back to bed and didn't end up getting up until 4! I was supposed to hang out with Brett today. But, there's always tomorrow.
Tomorrow I promised Ben I would help him with a psychology video. So I think it will be me, Ben, Ian, Natalie, and the Schufelt's. Hopefully some more people I know! I don't really ever hang out with any of them besides Natalie and her not even that much so idk. I'm sure it will be fine. They all seem really nice.
Today it finally hit me that I really need to get on the ball with college applications. Like, seriously! I cannot believe I haven't done any yet. My first one is going to be Reed. I'm excited. Really super nervous though. I already had my SAT scores sent there so I think now it's just filling out forms and writing my essay. It makes me really nervous. Pretty much the only person I have talked to about going is Sara and she always says "Well, they're really hard to get into." or "REALLY smart people go there". She always makes it sound like I don't have a chance. I found the booklist for humanities 101 and decided to start reading some of the books that they recommend and maybe even some of the ones that they read in there. I suppose humanities would have been a good class to take in high school. Anyway, I don't know what other schools I will apply to yet. Probably just OSU and maybe Concordia. Everyone keeps saying I should go to Eastern Oregon. I really can't. It's too far away and I don't drive. I seriously don't think it would work out. And I don't want to go there. Although it would be very cool to go to school with Rosie and Louis and Sara. I'm thinking if I don't get into Reed, community college is looking pretty good. I know quite a few people who go to CCC. That would be pretty cool. And there drama department looks pretty good.
Well, I think I'll stop freaking out now :) and maybe read some more. I only have tomorrow to read Les Mis and I think I'll be busy the whole day after 1 so I better get started. Adios.

Lovely, Lovely night...

Hey all. I don't really have too much to say, just a few random things.

First of all, Cinderella tickets went on sale today!! So get them now, before they sell out! Heh, that was a joke... But yeah. Definitely, come. It will be pretty good I think. At least okay and somewhat humorous. And who knows, I may mess up so that would be pretty funny. During practice today, people got mics but I was the only main character who didn't get one. =/ It didn't bother me THAT much but when "a friend" realized that I didn't get one she had this look of absolute horror on her face. So apparently not getting a mic is pretty much the worse thing that could happen to you. :)

I still haven't bitten my nails! Lol, I do realize that it has only been 2 days since my last blog but still, haven't bitten them. And I also just realized that I'm not sure how to spell realize. I think it's with a z... Hmm...

I'm supposed to be going to Lesel's house this weekend. Her brother invited me to come hang out with him. I was kind of nervous but I'm not now. But it makes me upset because his girlfriend is talking badly about me in front of my friends. And of course, I just hear about it. My friends don't tell me how they stood up for me or anything. Apparently they just listen to her complain about me and then tell me about it. But I suppose that is better than not even knowing she's doing it. How immature.

I was supposed to go running after school but it was raining and my mom said I couldn't because I had to make dinner. :( Oh! So, I organized a kind of caroling group to go to hospitals and senior homes and such and we had our first meeting today. It ended up being me, Amy, Lesel, Sara, Jessica W, Natalie, Kin, Justin, and for a teeny bit Rachel. It was so awesome!! I could not believe how good we sounded and how well we blended. I was especially pleased at how good the guys sounded. I don't even know if either of them were interested but I think Kin way swaying towards it. It would be a lot of fun, and we kind of need the guy's voices. Luke was supposed to be there but we forgot to remind him. Oh, and Mary, Samantha, and Jean are all supposed to be there too. Ooh, that would change the ratio of sopranos to altos by a lot. Oh well.

Hmm... I really like Les Mis so far! Except for the length of it. It's so dragged out... but it's good. I really don't want to do a final on it though but I'm really happy it isn't cumulative or is it accumulative? Lol, I can't spell today. I think spell check will get it for me though. Well, I need to go finish dinner. Adios.

Fol de Rol

Hey guys and gals!
I really should not be online considering I have 20 pages of Les Mis to read and it's 6:48 am. But I don't have ap until 5th so I will be able to manage something...hopefully.

Ooh, so, I took my sat's. Yeah, I am a genius. Ha, just kidding. I am pretty sure that if it were possible, I would have failed the math part. I have no idea what happened. And I'm fairly decent at math so yeah... But the literature part was so insanely easy! I could not believe how much I knew just from AP english. I was just like, "OH! There's a vague pronoun!" So, that part went really well. And the essay wasn't so bad... I don't think I did very well on it though because it kind of ended up being like a persuasive essay when the topic was something about not letting others influence you.

...And fiddledy dee-I'm really tired of one of my friends but I can't tell her that. We're like really good friends (not Stephanie!) and lately she has been seriously taking advantage of me. Mostly when it comes to money. Like, I buy her stuff constantly... and she is really rude. I can't exactly put it on here, guessing that she could possibly read it but yeah, I'm just really annoyed right now. I really don't like the feeling that someone's only your friend because they can get stuff from you.

Random updates::
*Broke up with Josh.
*Kritzeck is moving in 2 weeks.
*Our play is in 2 weeks! Actually less.
*I still haven't bitten my nails since I blogged about not biting my nails... :)
Well, we have an FFA meeting this morning so I should probably go.

I can't stop singing!

I really should not be blogging considering it is 9:39 p.m. and I do have school tomorrow. Not that that is late, I just have other things to do before I can go to sleep. Like read part of Frankenstein. We finished Teaching a Stone to Talk yesterday. I tended to like the shorter essays better. I think that would have something to do with my attention span.
Speaking of ap, we have a non-fiction essay due tomorrow. I love my paper. I'm pretty sure it's the best paper I've written because it was something I actually wanted to talk about. I know with the summer assignment and the Stranger paper and the Oedipus paper we got to choose the topic but I didn't want to write about the books. This paper is awesome because I just got to pick a random topic and go on and on about it. It ended up being really short. Just over 3 pages. But it's okay because I love it and I think C will like it also.

I noticed that I tend to only blog about certain things. Such as, when I worked, I only blogged about work. Now that I'm going out with Josh, I always talk about Josh. How boring. But oh well. I'm still going to talk about the same old things considering I never do anything new. Well, I've decided that it probably isn't a good idea to go out with Josh anymore. He told me today that he's interested in trying a certain drug that shall remain nameless. And it's one of the really bad drugs. I'm sorry but I don't consider marijuana and hallucinogens to be THAT bad but there are other drugs that I think are absolutely horrible. And the fact that he would entertain thoughts of doing those tells me that he is not boyfriend material. At least not for me. I'm just not good at this whole hurting people's feelings thing. I don't know when I'll break up with him. And I always say I will but I never do. Idk what to do really.

In anatomy, we looked through magnifying glasses and a hand held microscope at our skin and I looked at my fingernails with the microscope and I was absolutely horrified! And hands have so much dirt and bacteria on them! I have stopped biting my nails. I haven't bitten them in 2 days. I cannot believe how absolutely disgusting they are. I will never put them in my mouth again. I have randomly caught myself trying to chew them since then but I catch myself everytime. It's so weird because I've never been able to stop biting them before and I've just suddenly stopped. It's weird what disgust will do to you.

Mr. Christenson told us today that it was our last day to have scripts on stage!! He gave us no prior warning. I suppose we do only have 3 weeks until the show but still! That is just crazy. I can't memorize my lines by Monday! Well, I can, and I will, but I don't want to. And I need to read for book club.

Well, homecoming is tomorrow. I'm really excited for it and I don't even know why. Except that I just realized I was supposed to get a dance pass for Kassey and never did. Oops. Hopefully she really didn't want to go... Then afterwards I am going to Lesel's to take more senior pictures. Hopefully they turn out better this time. Then saturday night we're going to kassey's party. I don't even think kassey will no everyone there, it's going to be huge. Then sunday no plans and monday there is a venture crew party. It's going to be especially lame but that's okay. I think there will be 12 people there, if everyone shows up. But it will still be fun. All time with friends is fun, lame or not.